Yes, says Louie Ysmael

It’s very rude for any guest to arrive late, fashionably or not, at a party. This is a social offence not only against the host but the other guests as well. I’ve been to sit-down dinners and intimate parties where the host was constrained to start serving because one guest had not yet arrived. Everybody was so hungry and began to be annoyed at the late guest but, at the same time, commiserated with the host as to his predicament! Did we give dagger looks to the particular guest when he/she finally arrived? No, Filipinos are just too polite to do so.

Of course if it’s a party with a hundred people or more, one’s presence may not be immediately missed unless he or she is the guest of honour and expected to sit at a prominent place—all the more reason why being late is out of the question. Nothing can be more disconcerting for a host than seeing an empty chair especially reserved for a very important person.

But worse is if the host is left clueless as to the whereabouts of his missing guest. I do find it insulting when people who are running late do not even find a way to inform the host about their situation. In this day and age of smart phones, not calling up or sending an sms is simply unpardonable and smacks of insensitivity.

Louie Ysmael is hailed as the country’s king of nightlife, due to his numerous clubs and bars in the past and present.

No, says Marivic Rufino

Arriving fashionably late at a party is not rude, especially in the Philippines where many parties are casual and fun, have people coming and going, and usually last till way after midnight. For Filipinos, this is how parties should be.

Birthdays, anniversaries, and many milestones are celebrated with a big guest list, which can run from 50 to 100 to 500 or more. Buffet service is usually the practical choice and in these types of parties, arrivals and departures of guests can be free-flowing. I personally prefer going early to a party and tiptoeing out early as well.

However, there are still the more formal events like diplomatic affairs and sit-down dinners. On these occasions, punctuality is de rigueur, and the acceptable grace period for lateness is 15 minutes. The exception to this 15-minute rule may be an emergency situation. The invitee, as much as possible, is expected to inform the host that he or she will be late.

A formal event may offer both cocktails and dinner. If the guest would like to attend only one, it is proper to inform the host of such a decision. And when one arrives late at a party, it is important to be discreet and elegantly low-key when entering, without creating a fuss or attracting too much attention—as much as possible.

Marivic Rufino is a watercolourist, a newspaper columnist, and the vice-chairman of the Philippine Red Cross Makati branch. A member of Philippine high society, she tops many events’ guest list.